Asking for Cash on the Invites

Question: I keep hearing and reading that it has become okay and common practice to request cash on wedding and shower invitations and that cash bars at the reception are acceptable. I always thought this was unacceptable and rude. Can you please shed some light on this subject. Thank you.

Answer: You are correct. It is still inappropriate to request gifts of cash for a wedding or a shower or to expect reception guests to pay for their own drinks.

The only way wedding gifts are discussed is by word-of-mouth. The bride and groom may tell a few close friends and relatives that if directly asked for gift suggestions they may say that the most appreciated gift would be money. The couple may say the same thing if directly asked.

However, the main entertainment at a shower, aside from the refreshments served, is the opening of the presents. There is nothing entertaining about watching the bride-to-be open envelopes of money or gift cards. Therefore, although it is fine to include registry information in or on an invitation, it is inappropriate to request cash or gift cards.

Guests are guests. As such they shouldn't be expected to pay for alcoholic beverages at a wedding. It's the hosts' choice whether or not to offer an open bar, limited bar, or no alcoholic beverages. Surely, a guest's decision to attend or not attend shouldn't be based on whether or not there will be an open bar.

Sincerely,

The Emily Post Institute